Out Of The Office Replys

* You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

* Please reply to this e-mail so I will know that you got this message.

* I am on holiday. Your e-mail has been deleted.

* I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.

* Sorry to have missed you but I am in hospital having a frontal lobotomy so that I may be promoted to management

* I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on dd/mm. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

* 'The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.' (The beauty of it is that when I return, I can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over.)

* Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

* Hi! I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

* Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any messages.

* I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Kylie' instead of 'Steve'.

SIGNS YOU ARE IN A OFFICE HELL

Ang lobby guard niyo ay si Palito alias Rambuto.

Ang time administrator niyo ay si Cherie Gil at ang morning greeting niya with a smile ay... "Welcome to hell..."

Ang HR head niyo ay si Bella Flores at ang Employee Relations Officer ay si Odette Khan at ang HR Staffing head ay si Dexter Doria... At pag pumasok ka na walang
ID o hindi naka-uniform... kakaladkarin ka nila sa buhok palabas ng opisina pagkatapos kang pagsasampalin.

Ang Employee Benefits head ay si Lolit Solis... cge... magreklamo ka na maliit ang sueldo mo... cgeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... I dare you!!!!

Tuwing may problema ang kompanya, ang Corporate Communications head niyo na si Cristy Fermin ang nagbibigay ng official company statement... at ang simula nang kanyang presscon ay... "Galing ito sa isang reliable source at itataya ko ang buhay at karangalan ko dito... wala akong libel case na inuurungan..."

Ang official company driver niyo ay si Vandolph. Do I have to explain?

Kapag kasama mo mag-OT si German Moreno... walang tulugan!

Ang Legal Investigator niyo ay si Tony Falcon at ang assistant niya ay si Wengweng... paminsan minsan ay tumutulong si Ricky Lo at Madam Auring bilang consultant.

Tuwing bubuksan mo ang filing cabinet andun si Mahal sa loob para iabot ang file na hinahanap mo.

Nung huling company anniversary ay sumayaw ka ng nakadamit babae at sumayaw sa tugtog na "ang ganda ko... feel na feel ang long hair ko..." kinabukasan dumating si Robin Padilla para itanong sa yo kung niloloko mo ang kapatid niya...

Messenger niyo si Kuya Cesar.

Si Boy Abunda ang career counselor mo at tuwing me problema ka ang tanong niya ay... "Mag-usap tayo kaibigan... kung nasa harap ka ng salamin ano ang sasabihin mo sa iyong sarili?"

Si Love Añover ang voice behind your automated phone system. "Mga katsokaran... ip you chuva da number eklavu... dependots 1... ips not... luz valdez... charing!"

Ang Office Security niyo ay binubuo ng Tulfo Brothers... bigla silang darating sa opisina mo at sasabihin "Hephephep... nag-uuwi ka ng bond paper... tarantadong to ah... manggagantsong butete ka!!!" At pag tumanggi ka... ipapanood nila sa yo ang
hidden camera shots na nagpupuslit ka ng 2 pirasong bond paper mula sa printer... habang pinoposasan ka ng mga pulis.

Nung Halloween party niyo ang costume mo ay Lizardo... at dun mo rin first time na-meet ang anak ng may-ari na ang pangalan ay Tristan... alias Panday. Next halloween me tribute sa buhay mo na ipapalabas.

Tuwing pasko ang prize committee head ay si Bernadette Sembrano at Vicky Morales. Taon taon din ay nanalo ko ng bananacue at pedicab showcase. At nangangarap ka na
sana next time si Willie naman para me jeepney.

Si Michael Fajatin ang laging nagpe-present ng annual report niyo... "Mga Igan... nung umabot sa PhP50M ang ating kinita... kumita tayo ng PhP50M... matapos nating
magtrabaho ng matindi kumita tayo ng PhP50M pero bago yan ay nagtrabaho muna tayo saka tayo kumita ng PhP50M."

Boss mo si Big Brother... at alam niya na lampas 15 minutes ka nag-coffee break kaya kailangan mo mag-type nang gamit ang ilong mo hanggang patawarin ka niya.

Kaopisina mo si Arnold Clavio at pag naka-leave siya... OIC niya si Arn-Arn.

At ang number 1 sign na you're in OFFICE HELL...department head mo si Mike enriquez... AT HINDI NIYA KAYO TATANTANAN!!!!