TIME

A young man learns what's most important in life from the man next door. It had been some time since Jack had seen the old man. College, girls, career, and life itself got in the way.

In fact, Jack moved clear across the country in pursuit of his dreams. There, in the rush of his busy life, Jack had little time to think about the past and often no time to spend with those important to him.

He was working on his future, and nothing could stop him. Over the phone, his mother told him, "Mr. Belser died last night.

The funeral is Wednesday."

Memories flashed through his mind like an old newsreel as he sat quietly remembering his childhood days.

"Jack, did you hear me?" "Oh, sorry, Mom. Yes, I heard you. It's been so long since I thought of him. I'm sorry, but I honestly thought he died years ago," Jack said. "Well, he didn't forget you. Every time I saw him he'd ask how you were doing? He'd reminisce about the many days you spent over "his side of the fence" as he put it, Mom told him. "I loved that old house he lived in," Jack said. "You know, Jack, after your father died, Mr.Belser stepped in to make sure you had a man's influence in your life," she said. "He's the one who taught me carpentry," he said. "I wouldn't be in this business if it weren't for him. He spent a lot of time teaching me things he thought were important... Mom, I'll be there for the funeral," Jack said. As busy as he was, he kept his word. Jack caught the next flight to his hometown.

Mr. Belser's funeral was small and uneventful. He had no children of his own, and most of his relatives had passed away. The night before he had to return home, Jack and his Mom stopped by to see the old house next door one more time.

Standing in the doorway, Jack paused for a moment. It was like crossing over into another dimension, a leap through space and time.

The house was exactly as he remembered. Every step held memories. Every picture, every piece of furniture....Jack stopped suddenly.

"What's wrong, Jack?" his Mom asked.

"The box is gone," he said.

"What box?" Mom asked.

"There was a small gold box that he kept locked on top of his desk. I must have asked him a thousand times what was inside. All he'd ever tell me was 'the thing I value most,'" Jack said. It was gone. Everything about the house was exactly how Jack remembered it, except for the box. He figured someone from the Belser family had taken it.

"Now I'll never know what was so valuable to him," Jack said. "I better get some sleep. I have an early flight home, Mom."

It had been about two weeks since Mr. Belser died. Returning home from work one day Jack discovered a note in his mailbox. "Signature required on a package. No one at home. Please stop by the main post office within the next three days," the note read.

Early the next day Jack retrieved the package. The small box was old and looked like it had been mailed a hundred years ago. The handwriting was difficult to read, but the return address caught his attention. "Mr. Harold Belser," it read. Jack took the box out to his

car and ripped open the package. There inside was the gold box and an envelope. Jack's hands shook as he read the note inside.

"Upon my death, please forward this box and its contents to Jack Bennett. It's the thing I valued most in my life." A small key was taped to the letter. His heart racing, as tears filling his eyes, Jack carefully unlocked the box. There inside he found a beautiful gold pocket watch.

Running his fingers slowly over the finely etched casing, he unlatched the cover. Inside he found these words engraved: "Jack,

Thanks for your time! - Harold Belser."

"The thing he valued most...was...my time"

Jack held the watch for a few minutes, then called his office and cleared his appointments for the next two days. "Why?" Janet, his assistant asked. "I need some time to spend with my son," he said. "Oh, by the way, Janet...thanks for your time!" "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away."

IMPLANTS = THE LATEST CRAZE

Man walks into a bar, with his thumb in his ear, talking into his little finger.

"What are you doing?" , the bartender asks.

"I'm on the phone ," the guy explains, "implants.. it's the latest thing. There's a microphone in my finger, a speaker in my thumb, and a keypad on the palm of my hand. It's fantastic."

The bartender is astonished, and the guy goes to sit down & drink his beer.

Ten minutes later, he rushes out of the bar into the Men's room. The bartender hears groans and screams coming from behind the door, so he goes to investigate.

He walks into the bathroom to see the guy, finger to mouth and thumb in ear, on the floor with his trousers round his ankles, groaning in agony.

"What is it, can I help?" the bartender asks, worried.

"No..," the guy grunts back, "it's okay... I'm just waiting for a fax to come through..."

TINOLA ON HEAVEN

This morning, Tita Neneng died. My dearest friend was 83 years old. Who was she? She was God's love to me. Really. Let me tell you her incredible story.

She was a short, plumpish, silver-haired, never-been-married woman with a contagious laugh and a heart as big as a boat. For years, she was a very successful businesswoman who owned a gigantic canteen in a hospital. All her life, she cooked and fed people. If she fed a human being and that human being said, "Sarap!" (Delicious!), she was in heaven.

I first met Tita Neneng in 1980, when she joined our tiny prayer group, Light of Jesus. After a few weeks, I noticed how people loved her. As their leader, people greeted me with respect. But when Tita Neneng walked into the prayer group, everyone stood up and adored her. Because each week, without fail, she brought a humongous pot of steaming Tinola (chicken soup) for everyone. Here's a secret I'd like to share with you…

She Was My Second Mother

One day, when I was only 18 years old, Tita Neneng pulled me aside and pressed a thick, white envelope in my hand. "Brother Bo," she said, "I know you've been praying for a car. Instead of just praying for it, I'm giving you money to buy a second-hand car."

I couldn't believe my eyes. It was fifty thousand pesos in cash. It was the biggest amount I've ever held in my hand. In 1984, P50,000 was huge money.

But I simply couldn't buy the car for myself. So months later, I told her, "Tita Neneng, I'm donating your money to the community. We need a community van more than I need a personal car." She understood. "That's up to you, Bo."

She was like a second mother to me. Whenever she saw me, she'd give me food, stories, and laughter.

And when community needed money, she'd be the first person I'd call. "Tita Neneng, I want to buy a small piece of property for our community office. Will you help me?" She didn't even ask me to explain. She pulled out her checkbook and wrote a check for P100, 000. (Today, that would be worth P500, 000.) Our office building is now sitting on that same property.

And when I ran out of money for the salaries of our full-time staffers, I called her up. When I greeted her, "Hi Tita Neneng," she didn't even let me speak. She just said, "I have a check for you. Visit me."

But something happened when she was 70 years old…

She Left Everything For Love

She suffered a massive heart attack. So massive, she died—for one minute. Thankfully, the doctors were able to revive her.

I visited her in the hospital and I was shocked by her request. Even as she was still lying down in bed, this 70-year old woman said, "Brother Bo, I want to serve the Lord." I said, "Tita Neneng, you're already serving the Lord."

"No," she said, "I want to serve in Anawim," she said. "This is now my second life. Please let me live with the poor and cook for them everyday."

Anawim was a ministry for the poorest of the poor that I started the year before. We housed the abandoned elderly in a 5-hectare property in Montalban.

Tita Neneng left everything—her big house, her air-conditioned room, and her brand new van. And she also left her businesses. She lived in Anawim and took over the kitchen.

Tita Neneng moved into one of the houses where the poor old women we'd pick up from the streets stayed. In that house, she would share the same toilet with these street people.

It wasn't an easy life. During these early years of Anawim, we didn't even have electricity or running water.

But everyday, with great love, she'd cook breakfast, lunch, and dinner for hundreds of our Anawim residents. Indeed, we called her the Mother of Anawim.

Many times, she'd pull out her own money and give it to the ministry. Until one day, she said with a laugh, "Brother Bo, I don't have money anymore. It's all gone." She gave everything. Her strength. Her time. Her money. Her life.

The Happiest Woman I've Ever Met

Many times, we'd talk over lunch. She loved telling me, "Brother Bo, I can die right now. I'm so happy. What else will I ask for?" Every time she'd say these lines, she'd cry tears of joy. Believe me. She was one of the happiest persons I've ever met in my life.

Today, after 13 years of service to the poorest of the poor, she suffered another heart attack. This time, God didn't let go of her.

Heaven is now celebrating. No wonder. God and his Angels must like Tinola too. Do you want to be happy? Serve the Lord like Tita Neneng. It's the greatest thing on planet earth.

SIGNS YOU ARE IN A OFFICE HELL

Ang lobby guard niyo ay si Palito alias Rambuto.

Ang time administrator niyo ay si Cherie Gil at ang morning greeting niya with a smile ay... "Welcome to hell..."

Ang HR head niyo ay si Bella Flores at ang Employee Relations Officer ay si Odette Khan at ang HR Staffing head ay si Dexter Doria... At pag pumasok ka na walang
ID o hindi naka-uniform... kakaladkarin ka nila sa buhok palabas ng opisina pagkatapos kang pagsasampalin.

Ang Employee Benefits head ay si Lolit Solis... cge... magreklamo ka na maliit ang sueldo mo... cgeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... I dare you!!!!

Tuwing may problema ang kompanya, ang Corporate Communications head niyo na si Cristy Fermin ang nagbibigay ng official company statement... at ang simula nang kanyang presscon ay... "Galing ito sa isang reliable source at itataya ko ang buhay at karangalan ko dito... wala akong libel case na inuurungan..."

Ang official company driver niyo ay si Vandolph. Do I have to explain?

Kapag kasama mo mag-OT si German Moreno... walang tulugan!

Ang Legal Investigator niyo ay si Tony Falcon at ang assistant niya ay si Wengweng... paminsan minsan ay tumutulong si Ricky Lo at Madam Auring bilang consultant.

Tuwing bubuksan mo ang filing cabinet andun si Mahal sa loob para iabot ang file na hinahanap mo.

Nung huling company anniversary ay sumayaw ka ng nakadamit babae at sumayaw sa tugtog na "ang ganda ko... feel na feel ang long hair ko..." kinabukasan dumating si Robin Padilla para itanong sa yo kung niloloko mo ang kapatid niya...

Messenger niyo si Kuya Cesar.

Si Boy Abunda ang career counselor mo at tuwing me problema ka ang tanong niya ay... "Mag-usap tayo kaibigan... kung nasa harap ka ng salamin ano ang sasabihin mo sa iyong sarili?"

Si Love Añover ang voice behind your automated phone system. "Mga katsokaran... ip you chuva da number eklavu... dependots 1... ips not... luz valdez... charing!"

Ang Office Security niyo ay binubuo ng Tulfo Brothers... bigla silang darating sa opisina mo at sasabihin "Hephephep... nag-uuwi ka ng bond paper... tarantadong to ah... manggagantsong butete ka!!!" At pag tumanggi ka... ipapanood nila sa yo ang
hidden camera shots na nagpupuslit ka ng 2 pirasong bond paper mula sa printer... habang pinoposasan ka ng mga pulis.

Nung Halloween party niyo ang costume mo ay Lizardo... at dun mo rin first time na-meet ang anak ng may-ari na ang pangalan ay Tristan... alias Panday. Next halloween me tribute sa buhay mo na ipapalabas.

Tuwing pasko ang prize committee head ay si Bernadette Sembrano at Vicky Morales. Taon taon din ay nanalo ko ng bananacue at pedicab showcase. At nangangarap ka na
sana next time si Willie naman para me jeepney.

Si Michael Fajatin ang laging nagpe-present ng annual report niyo... "Mga Igan... nung umabot sa PhP50M ang ating kinita... kumita tayo ng PhP50M... matapos nating
magtrabaho ng matindi kumita tayo ng PhP50M pero bago yan ay nagtrabaho muna tayo saka tayo kumita ng PhP50M."

Boss mo si Big Brother... at alam niya na lampas 15 minutes ka nag-coffee break kaya kailangan mo mag-type nang gamit ang ilong mo hanggang patawarin ka niya.

Kaopisina mo si Arnold Clavio at pag naka-leave siya... OIC niya si Arn-Arn.

At ang number 1 sign na you're in OFFICE HELL...department head mo si Mike enriquez... AT HINDI NIYA KAYO TATANTANAN!!!!

Sister Mathematical (SM) and Sister Logical (SL)

There were two nuns..

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),

and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for The past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM: It's not working.

SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.

Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And?

SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than man
with his pants down.

And for those of you who thought it would be dirty,

Say two Hail Marys!

PARANG KAYO PERO HINDI

She is a 24-year old copywriter. He is an architect. They met and became lovers in college. They broke up last year but remained to be "friends." They send sweet text messages and he calls her often to make sure she's okay. They still date. They still have sex. They don't see anyone else. It is obvious that they still love each other but when asked about their situation, she doesn't know the real score. Even her friends are in the dark. "Parang sila, pero hindi."

She works in a telecom. He is reviewing for the board. They are in the same barkada. They talk on the phone till 4 am. He gives her chocolates, flowers and CDs even when there is no occasion. Their friends are suspecting something. Bakit sila nagsosolo kapag may overnight inuman? Why does he hold her close on the dance floor? Bakit sila magkaholding hands lagi? Sila kaya? "He hasn't admitted anything," she rants. "But I let him hug and kiss me. Parang kami, pero hindi."

They work together in an ad agency. After office, they would watch movie, have dinner and stroll at Glorietta. She gave him Harry Potter books for his birthday in exchange for posing as her boyfriend to make an ex jealous. They made out during the company outing in Subic and never talked about it. He said "I love you" once but she wasn't sure if she heard him correctly because they were both drunk then. But one thing she is sure of is her feelings for him. She likes him. And she's assuming that with what he's doing to her and with her, he likes her, too. There's just one hitch: he has a girlfriend!

She is a 28-year-old virgin. He's a 35-year-old bachelor. Both mountaineers, they became close during their climbs. After a few dates in posh restaurants, he brings her to his condo where they would make out. They have been doing this for months. She wants to believe that "sila na" but then she's not really sure about it. "We don't talk about it but it doesn't really matter," she'd tell her friends. "What's important is I am enjoying this -- whatever it is."

The "parang kayo, pero hindi" stage. Others call it MU or mutual understanding. Pseudo-relationships. Pseudo-boyfriends. Flings. Almost like a relationship, but not quite. It is a phase where the persons involved are more than friends, but not quite lovers. Puwedeng may verbal agreement, puwedeng wala. One or both of you may have admitted your feelings, possible ding hindi. You just let your gestures do the talking for you. Walang pormal na ligawan na nangyari. Hindi kayo mag-dyowa. Pero sa kilos niyo, sa mga sinasabi niyo, parang kayo, pero hindi.

This kind of "relationship" can happen at different stages for different reasons. It can happen after a break-up. You still love each other, and you want to be with each other but you broke up for a reason. And for reasons that you alone know, ayaw niyo na muna magkabalikan.

It can also happen before a relationship, iyong pareho kayong nakikiramdam. Possible din na ayaw niyo munang mag-seryoso kaya kunwa-kunwarian lang muna. Testing lang.

Puwede ring hindi puwedeng maging kayo kasi isa sa inyo --usually the guy --may ka-relasyon na. Kaya habang hindi pa siya nakikipag-break doon sa girl (sabi niya makikipag-break siya soon pero di naman niya ginagawa), wala muna kayong relasyon para nga naman hindi siya nangagaliwa kasi "hindi naman kayo."

This pseudo-relationship stage, for a time, can be fun. Lalo na kung naghahanap ka lang naman ng "kalaro."

Pero huwag ka lang mag-e-expect na may patutunguhan kayo kasi wala talagang kasiguraduhan.

So bakit ang daming nagse-settle sa ganitong set up ganoong hindi naman sigurado kung may patutunguhan?

Iba't ibang dahilan. Puwedeng for fun lang. Puwedeng "buti na iyan kesa wala" or puwede na iyang "pantawid-gutom." Meaning, habang wala pa iyong the real thing, doon muna sa kunwa-kunwarian.

For those who are not in a serious relationship, they would think that pseudo-relationship is better than no relationship at all. It would be fun, if all you are after for is that "kilig" feeling.

Aminado naman ako na once upon a time, may mga pseudo-relationships din ako. No commitments involved. For the simplest reason that they couldn't commit, because they were either committed to someone else, or that they weren't ready to commit.

My rationalization, "okay na iyun, kesa wala."

Ang habol ko lang naman, iyong kilig feeling. Iyong merong nagtatanong kung kumusta araw ko. Iyong merong ka-cuddle sa beach outing. Iyong kapag tumunog ang cellphone, mapapangiti na ako dahil alam kong galing sa kanya ang message. Iyong merong laging kasama. Habang wala pa ang the real thing, puwede na itong pagtiyagaan.

But then I learned that although it was only a pseudo-relationship, the emotions were real. And usually, in this kind of set up, ang babae lagi ang lugi.

Una, you can't ask him to commit. Since it's not really a relationship, you can't demand commitment from your partner. Ano ba kayo? May K ka nga ba magpasundo ng hatinggabi? You will always be uncertain about your role in his life. You can't expect him to be always there with you. And if you feel jealous of the other girls, you just have to keep it to yourself. Ano ka ba niya para magselos?

Pangalawa, what if you fall deeply in love with him? You can't be sure if he feels the same way. Baka nag-a-assume ka lang na mahal ka rin niya. Even if you are dying to tell him you love him, you can't. Because you're not sure if he'll like it. Baka mapahiya ka lang. This stage will always make you wonder where you are in the relationship. Or if there is a relationship at all.

Pangatlo, what if you become attached too much? What if you have invested all your emotions and this man hasn't? What if you remain faithful to him, not entertaining other guys, only to find out that he is seeing other girls?

Isa pang downside ng pseudo-relationships, it is fleeting. When a disagreement sets in, or when one of you gets cold, then that would be the end of it. Unlike in a serious relationship, hindi mo alam kung saan ka lulugar sa isang pseudo-relationship. Wala kang pinanghahawakan. Kasi sa pseudo-relationship, there is no "us." Meron lang "you and me," hindi "us."

Buti sana kung pseudo-pain din lang ang mararanasan mo. Kaso, hindi eh. Real pain. And usually, kahit tapos na ang pseudo-relationship, hindi mo maiwasan umasang one day, may karugtong pa rin iyun. And you will be miserable, hoping to bring back what you used to have, only to find out eventually that the guy is in another pseudo-relationship with somebody else.

Ang hirap, ano? You agreed to this kind of set up for fun and then you'd end up hurting yourself in the process.

Pero puwede naman maiwasan ang pain eh. Puwede naman na hindi mo muna isipin ang future and just enjoy the feeling, without thinking of the consequences.

But if you are certain that you are going to hurt yourself in the process, kailangan mo mamili. You can be happy and live the moment without worrying what would happen next. Or you can stop settling with pseudo-relationships and wait for the real thing.

When I was younger and in a pseudo-relationship with an unavailable guy, a friend told me, "Sige, kung ayaw mong magpapigil, bahala ka. Magpakasaya ka. Pero huwag kang iiyak-iyak pagkatapos, dahil tatadyakan kita."

Ang bottom line lang naman, kung magpapasaya sa iyo, gawin mo. Ihanda mo lang ang sarili mo sa consequence. Dahil ang "parang kayo pero hindi" stage ay bihirang nagiging totoo. Usually, hanggang doon lang siya... almost, but not quite.

MAASIKASONG ASAWA

Dalawang linggo na ang nakalipas mula nang ikasal sina Gino at Karen.

Kahit mahal na mahal ni Gino ang kanyang misis, nasasabik din siyang makipag-inuman sa kanyang mga kumpare. Isang gabi, nagpaalam si Gino kay Karen,

"Honey, aalis ako ha, babalik kaagad ako..."

"Sweetheart, saan ka pupunta?" tanong ni Karen.

"Sa bar, cutiepie, iinom lang ako ng beer." saad ni Gino.

"Gusto mo ng beer, love? Eto..." hirit ni Karen sabay bukas ng refrigerator at ipinakita ang 25 na iba't ibang klase ng beer na puro imported. Hindi malaman ni Gino kung ano ang gagawin. Ang sabi na lang niya,

"Oo, cutiepie, pero doon sa bar... alam mo na... yung malamig na glass..."

Hindi pa tapos magsalita si Gino, eh, buong lambing na nagsalita na si Karen, "Gusto mong malamig na glass, sweetheart? Eto..." Binuksan ni Karen ang freezer at naglabas s'ya ng isang malaki at malamig na glass, sobrang lamig at nangangatog pa siya sa pagkakahawak.

Medyo namumutla na si Gino, na ang nasabi eh, "Oo nga cutie pie, Pero sa bar ang daming masasarap na pulutan... sandaling-sandali lang ako talaga. Babalik kaagad ako, okey?"

"Gusto mo ng pulutan, sweetheart?" malambing pa ring usisa ni Karen, na binuksan ang oven at naglabas ng iba-ibang klase ng pulutan-sisig, chicken wings, chicharong bulaklak, crispy pata, inihaw na bangus, camaron rebosado, hotdog with onion, kaldereta at iba pa.

"Pero cutie pie... sa bar... you know, merong konting biruan, bolahan, murahan... you know..." alumpihit na sabi ni Gino.

Hindi na nakapagpigil si Karen, "Gusto Mo Ng Murahan Sweetheart? ....

... TANGINA MO PALA EH! HETO, INUMIN MO ITONG PUTANG INANG BEER MO
SA MALAMIG NA BWAKANAN NG INANG BASO NA ITO, AT KAININ MO 'YANG PUKI NANG INANG PULUTAN NA 'YAN DAHIL HINDI KA LALABAS NG BAHAY! ULOL!
'TANG INANG 'TO"

ANG BUBULE

(Si Boy Bastos sa Kawalang-Malay)

Walong taon pa lamang ang edad ay ibig nang matutong manligaw ni Boy at nanay niya ang inurirat, na ang sabi'y magtago na lamang siya sa likod ng kanilang kurtina at panoorin sa gabi ng araw na iyon ang pagliligawan ng ate niya't nobyo nito.

Kinaumagahan ay inusisa si Boy ng kanyang nanay sa kung ano ang mga nasilip niya at Natutunan.

"Sa umpisa po," kuwento ni Boy, "ay nagligawan lang ang dalawa. Kanilang pinatay ang ilaw at dim light lang ang iniwang buhay sa salas. Nagyakapan at naghalikan pero sumama ang pakiramdam ni ate. Nag-iba kasi ang itsura ng mukha, eh.

"Kaya ipinasok ng nobyo ang kamay nito sa blusa ni ate at parang doktor na pinakiramdaman ang puso nito.

"Pero tangang doktor! Ang tagal nagkakapa ng kamay ay hindi alam kung saang lugar naroon ang puso!

"Hindi nagtagal ay nagkahawahan na sila ng sakit. Pareho nang hihingal-hingal.

"Inilagay ng nobyo ang kamay nitong may sinat sa ng palda ni ate. Para mainitan, dahil nag-alis pa muna ito ng panty.

"Lalong naging grabe si ate. Nangapos ang hininga, nanigas ang mga paa, at halos mapahiga't magkandahulog sa pagkakaupo. "Iyon ang kataasan ng lagnat. Dahil sabi ni ateng nangangatog,
umuungol at tumitirik ang mga mata'y kinikilig na raw siya.

"Kaya pala sumama ang pakiramdam ng nobyo'y dahil may nakapasok na bubule rito. Umalpas sa harap ng pantalon nito!

"Gusto pang tumakas ng papalag-palag na bubule, pero dinakma ni ate at walang-takot na kinagat sa ulo.

"Ngunit iniluwa rin, dahil siguro'y gumanti ng kagat ang nakasubong bubule.

"Para hindi na makapangagat uli ay hinawakan ng nobyo ang bubule at may isinaklob sa ulo nito.

"Si ate naman ay humiga sa sofa at itinaas ang kanyang mga paa para pitpitin sa pagitan ng mga nakabukaka niyang hita ang ulo ng bubule. "Pati ang nobyo'y dinapaan ang bubule, na nanlabang
mabuti nang ito'y pagpilitang patayin ng dalawa nang papisa sa pagitan nila! "Pikit ang matang sinalubong ng dikdik ni ate ang makasira-ng-sofa'ng bayo ng nobyo roon sa iniipit nilang bubule.

"Kalaunan ay natahimik ang dalawa, walang kakilus-kilos at humihinga na nang maayos. "Nang tumayo ang nobyo'y patay na ang bubule. Nakalungayngay at sabog ang sumambulat na lamanloob.

"Pagod ang dalawa sa matinding laban pero nag-umpisa uli sila sa pagliligawan, pagyayapusan at paghahalikan. Aba'y nabuhay na namang unti-unti ang bubule! "Parang musang na siyam ang buhay! "Dito mabilis na tumayo si ate, hinawakan at inupuan ang bubule, para siya mismo ang pumatay.

"Pagkatapos ng matagal na namang labanan ay namatay na nang tuluyan ang bubule.

"Sigurado po," sabi pa ni Boy. Dahil tinanggal pa ng nobyo ang balat ng bubule, at pagkatapos ay
binuhusan ng tubig doon sa inidoro!" Tulalang mahima-himatay sa narinig ang nanay

Father and son

A man came home from work late again, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year old son waiting for him at the door.

"Daddy, may I ask you a question?"

"Yeah, sure, what is it?" replied the man."Daddy, how much money do you make an hour?"

"That's none of your business! What makes you ask such a thing?" the man said angrily.

"I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?" pleaded the little boy.

"If you must know, I make $20.00 an hour."

"Oh," the little boy replied, head bowed.

Looking up, he said, "Daddy, may I borrow $9.00 please?"

The father was furious. "If the only reason you wanted to know how much money I make is just so you can buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you're being so selfish. I work long, hard hours everyday and don't have time for such childish games."

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door. The man sat down and started to get even madder about the little boy's questioning.

How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?

After an hour or so, the man had calmed down and started to think he may have been a little hard on his son. May be there was something he really needed to buy with that $9.00 and he really didn't ask for money very often.

The man went to the door of the little boy's room and opened the door.

"Are you asleep son?" he asked.

"No Daddy, I'm awake," replied the boy.

I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier," said the man.

"It's been long day and I took my aggravation out on you. Here's that $9.00 you asked for."

The little boy sat straight up, beaming.

"Oh, thank you daddy!" he yelled.

Then, reaching under his pillow, he pulled out some more crumpled up bills. The man, seeing that the boy already had money, started to get angry again.

The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at the man.

"Why did you want more money if you already have some?" the father grumbled."Because I didn't have enough, but now I do," the little boy replied.

"Daddy, I have $20.00 now. Can I buy an hour of your time?"

:)

TUYO, TINAPA AND GALUNGGONG

Let me tell you a story. Three construction workers were on top of their half-finished skyscraper. Rrrrring!" the lunch bell sounded, and the three men sat on a steel beam jutting out of the 56th floor with their lunch boxes in hand.

The first guy opens his and groans in exasperation, "Tuyo!" There is not a day that I don't get tuyo for lunch!" He turns to his buddies and announces, "Mark my words. If I still get tuyo tomorrow, I'm going to throw myself from this building."

The second guy opens his lunch box and moans, "Tinapa". Everyday, I get tinapa!" He looks at his friends and declares, "Believe me when I say this. If I get tinapa tomorrow, I'm going to jump and kil! l myself."

The third guy opens his lunch box and it was his turn to despair. "Galunggong". All I get is galunggong!" I'm telling you, if I still get galunggong tomorrow, I'm going to jump from this building and die."

The next day, the lunch bell rings and all three men are again seated on the 56th floor. The first guy opens his lunch box and starts crying, "Tuyoooooo!" And so he jumps and crashes on the ground.

The second guy opens his lunch box and wails loudly, "Tinapaaaa!" And he also hurls himself off the building and dies. The third guy opens his lunch box and screams, "Galunggonggggg!" And so
he too jumps off the building and splatters on the ground.

Days later, during the funeral of the three men, their three wives embrace and weep together. The first wife cries out, "I didn't know my husband didn't like tuyo anymore! Why didn't he tell me? If only he told me, I would have prepared something else."

The second wife echoes her statement, "Yes! If only I knew, I would have cooked something else, not tinapa!"

The third wife, between sobs, speaks up, "I don't know why my husband killed himself." The two wives look at her curiously.

"Why?"

She went on, "Because ... my husband prepares his own lunch everyday..."

I love this crazy story because it presents a very important truth: all of us prepare our own lunch. If we don't like our jobs, if we don't like the state of our relationships, if! we don't like what's happening to our spiritual lives - we have no one to blame but ourselves. Because God
has given us free will. He has given us the power to prepare our own lunch.

If you want to earn more and be free from debt, if you're sick and tired of your bad habits, if we want to put more joy in our marriages, if we want to grow in our relationship with God - then go back to your kitchen and prepare yourself another dish. Because you design your own future.
You create your own destiny. Ask yourself what kind of future do you want to have? What kind of life? What kind of eternity?

You decide.

LIFE'S MEANING

On the first day, God created the dog and said :

"Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."

The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?" So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said: "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."

The monkey said: "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?" And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said: "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves, and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."

The cow said: "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?" And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said: "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."

But man said: "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?" "Okay," said God, "You asked for it."

So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

THE PRINCIPAL, TEACHER, AND STUDENT

A first-grade teacher, Ms Neelam (Age 28) was having trouble with one of her students the teacher asked,"Boy. What is your problem? The boy answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too! Ms Neelam had enough. She took Boy to the principal's office.

While Boy waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Neelam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. She agreed. The boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: What is 3 x 3? Boy: 9.

Principal: What is 6 x 6? Boy: 36.

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at Ms Neelam and tells her, "I think Boy can go to the third-grade." Ms Neelam says to the principal, "I have some of my own questions. Can I ask him?" The principal and Boy both agree.

Ms Neelam asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of? Boy, after a moment "Legs."

Ms Neelam: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" Boy: "Pockets."

Ms Neelam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, and delicious and contains thin whitish liquid? Boy: Coconut

Ms Neelam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky? The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy was taking charge. Boy: Bubblegum

Ms Neelam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does three legs? The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer... Boy: Shake hands

Ms Neelam: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay? Boy: Yep.

Ms Neelam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do. Boy: Tent

Ms Neelam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg. Boy: Wedding Ring

Ms Neelam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good. Boy: Nose

Ms Neelam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver. Boy: Arrow > Ms Neelam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in ‘K’ that means lot of heat and excitement? Boy: Fire truck

Ms Neelam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u don’t get it u have to use your hand. Boy: Fork

Ms Neelam: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married? Boy: SURNAME

Ms Neelam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love? Boy: HEART.

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, “Send this Boy to College, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!"*